Saturday, January 30, 2010

Having an Epica time

In college you can kind of just tell who all the REALLY lame people are based on how often they jump at the opportunity to talk about their awesome drinking skills and their lame stories about them and their heretofore nameless friends. THAT is a fact of life, you know it to be true! These kinds of people are so convinced that they are awesome that they will spread it to the world, whether or not we want to hear it at all.

It really gets quite annoying that every time I go into work at RenXchange, my telemarketing job, I am immediately met with scores of lame nerds (remember, I'm a nerd too, but at least I don't play Warcraft and talk about the internet and forums all the time right? Doesn't that count for something?) who, in a desperate attempt to feel cool, talk about nothing but how awesome they are at going to parties and drinking and doing all sorts of shenanigans. Don't get me wrong, parties are fun and all but it's just proof of your own boring life if you have top dwell on these things long enough after the fact to have to explain that there was no snow on the ground when they took place--some crucial piece of information when you're describing that beach bikini party that clearly didn't happen in the past 3 months what with all frostbite and whatnot.

Basically, next time you want to tell me how many beers you drank this past weekend, save it for someone who cares, if you think I want to hear it, then don't hold your breath.

Oh yeah, and noone on facebook cares about you finding your lonely cows on farmville.
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The Epica concert was, to say the least, epic. Too bad I left my camera, there were plenty of fellows there taking pictures! Maybe 70% of the people in attendance were huge nerds--when the band's cover of the Imperial March from Star Wars played, the entireity of the Worcester Palladium was thrown into a high state of chaos.

I finished my first Creative Writing assignment for realsies today ("Poor Little Lambs")--accessible via Tom and my writing blog "Some Form of Singularity". Or you could drop me a line and I'll send a copy! ;)

"Silence and Valor"
-B

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Dungeons and Nothing Else

It takes a lot to surprise me--mainly because I'm used to thinking of crazy things to begin with, so little can touch me there (but that's a digression for some other day). However, when I read that Dungeons and Dragons was made illegal in prison I was taken aback. I mean, sure this sounds weird from someone who has never played the game--nor even ever picked up a many-sided dice, but I honestly think that every moment an inmate doesn't spend sodomizing or "shiving" a fellow is a good one--and what better way to occupy one's time than with a game that literally takes forever to complete? I mean, look at the picture and tell me how destructive this is:


I mean, yeah it promotes escapism and whatnot--but I think that's exactly what the inmates need, an escape from their daily lives. Don't get me wrong, it's hard to sympathize with a guy who has literally sledgehammered a man to death to earn his life sentence, but come on--make it legal...or at least make it legal for inmates who have earned it on good behavior...like a creepy, creepy relative of parole.

Hell, at least its better than the slow march of time till a lonely death behind bars, right?

"Silence and Valor"
-B

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The Start of Something New

School started yesterday--another chance to have a fun semester, which is actually a possibility this time since I have (mostly) easy classes.

Philosophy of Math is exactly what it sounds like--a bunch of poppycock and something that no doubt all the mathematics students will be taking way too seriously. Hopefully they will find my snide remarks about math being nothing but a cute game we play with strict rules to be EXTRA offensive--could make for a few fun times methinks!

Creative Writing is a course where we write short stories--I should be cranking at least one of these out per week this semester so I'll post some of the ones I feel better about!

Writing About Science is going to be quite the chore--our teacher has this idea of us all becoming accomplished writers in order to beef-up HIS resume (he wouldn't stop talking about his prior students and how he made their lives so much better).
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This weekend my partner in crime came down to Troyland, America's armpit. We tore this town down and yes--Legion accepted my free Regal Cinema ticket. Good thing too because it was the worst movie I had ever seen--even blowing out a certain movie I saw with my dad nearly a decade ago...Defintiely see "The Book of Eli" though--that was up there with the Mad Max trilogy in terms of awesome dystopian flicks.

As I think of it, most movies I see with my dad end up sucking...Remember "Reign of Fire"? Yeah, that lot. On the topic of dragon-ey movies, this one looks kind of cute...

"Silcence and Valor"
-B

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Resident Paleontologist: Brontosaurus


It's fairly recently that the term "Brontosaurus" dropped out of use--as recent as the past 20 years (one of the reasons many still use the politically incorrect term--the change was made over the course of my lifetime). These days, the proper name for the Jurassic "Thunder Lizard" is Apatosaurus (latin, Deceptive Lizard). This name is rarely used in popular culture (even Firefox tried to auto-correct the term when I just typed it in to "Brontosaurus"). What happened? Lets take a trip back in time...

Apatosaurus/Brontosaurus was a quadrupedal sauropod that lived in the Jurassic Period. It lumbered on four legs and most likely traveled in herds across plains, constantly in search of food. The old skeletal model for the creature had the legs splayed-out from under it's body, taking a note from reptiles of today such as the komodo dragon. This would mean that the animal would have to stay in lakes or swamps, otherwise it would not be able to support its own weight. Notable modern paleontologists such as Dr. Robert Baker (my personal favorite!) have since changed the model to one where the legs are directly beneath the body. This allows the creature to leave the swamps--and is therefore more consistent with paleontological findings.

The mid-1800's are heralded by some as the golden years of paleontology, and with such big names as Othniel Charles Marsh and Edward Drinker Cope, who is to argue? The two paleontologists had a disagreement over digging rights in a boneyard in New Jersey (Cope accused Marsh of bone-jacking) and eventually decided to have a competition over who could unearth the most new species of dinosaur. You can tell where this is going--each scientist threw out proper procedure and thoroughness in order to get the most dinosaur species "under their belts"; the two would often use incomplete or inaccurate data and that may be the first time I have ever used a semicolon!).

The honors for the first recorded reference to the dinosaur in question go to Marsh, who wrote two paragraphs on the creature's vertebra (and nothing else). Thus Apatosaurus, the "deceptive lizard" was born. In the spirit of the competition, Marsh found the pelvis and vertebrae of what he described as a separate sauropod estimated at 75 feet in length, much larger than the first. This he named Brontosaurus, the "thunder lizard".

By 1905 a complete skeleton of the creature was found and displayed at Yale. The name on the plaque was "Brontosaurus". The "Apatosaurus" skeleton was never completed. As early as 1903 the truth started coming out--the Apatosaurus creature was simply a juvenile Brontosaurus, and Marsh, in his haste to beat Cope, failed to note this. Now, since the name Apatosaurus was coined first, it was established as the official technically correct name for the creature, and Brontosaurus as its synonym.

The growing suspicion about the completed Yale "Brontosaurus" skeleton was that the skull was incorrect. In the 1970's the true skull was found and the other, misplaced skull was identified as belonging to a Camarasaurus. Scientists began pushing for the technical name Apatosaurus to be used at this point--I guess to cover up the whole headless Brontosaurus mistake.

In the end, both Brontosaurus and Apatosaurus are acceptable terms to describe the same famous sauropod, but the later is the more correct. A near-analog to this would be the case of the guinea pig.

"Silence and Valor"
-B

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Best Things at the Movies are Free

After receiving incredulous remarks (remark) about the artist's rendition of the Sonic Unleashed Final Battle, I decided to present some guy on youtube playing through the fight to prove I'm not crazy...the part necessary for seeing "it" in the picture is wrapped up around 0:59, so don't bore yourself to tears on my behalf!

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So I have a free movie ticket from using my REGAL CROWN CLUB card at the theaters enough to earn coupons on items there. It's been lying around for about a month or two now. I have not been able to use it on any movies I have seen in the past forever--whenever I try, the steward there says that the movie in question has been given certain privileges that do not allow the use of free ticket slips or ticket coupons. I think this is most likely because the producers want a more accurate tally of earnings for the title. Usually reserved for the "good" movies. 2012 didn't allow free tickets (which made little sense cause it sucked), and neither did The Squeaquel (which I actually enjoyed).

God I hope Legion ("We are Legion, for we are many"...this bible quote refers to demons, not angels) accepts my free ticket voucher. I do not think there is a single person in the world who could possibly bill this title as a "higher-up" flick that shouldn't accept vouchers. Seriously. Of course I want to see it, but that's because I like watching stupid movies that I know will suck. Actually, if Legion is really really lucky, it might be as good as Prophecy (which actually had to bill itself with the subtitle: "A monster movie" to help audiences figure out what the hell the movie was about).

"Silence and Valor"
-B

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Final Hours With My 27-Year-Old


Today I finally beat Sonic Unleashed--a game whose concluding stages took a cumulative 5 hours and 97 extra lives to complete. Included is an artist's dramatization of the final battle, there is Super Sonic and Perfect Dark Gaia. This game was fun, but these stressful final levels toom no less than 6 years off my life expectancy.

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Since I've been finding myself around town waiting for one thing or another, I've been spending an increasingly larger amount of time reading my book "The Extreme Book of Science Fiction". The stories are all entertaining, but range from descent to breathtaking. I think I'm getting a good grasp on the kinds of questions you need to be asking in order to be published as a writer--I have even started drafting these two newer ideas for shorts...probably not the scariest ever, but hopefully good!

Noteworthy: this is the last hour of me having my 27 year old girlfriend!

I made this cute comic the other day--tell me what you think!

"Silence and Valor"
-B

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Santa's Got Nothing to Lose

The idea of Santa Clause as a serial killer is not one that I haven't heard of. As a matter of fact, I'd actually be surprised if he wasn't a murderer. Just think--guy who sneaks around giving toys to youngsters by breaking into their houses via the Chimney? It's all just a terror plot to remind us all that we're never safe from him--you'd better not pout, nor cry, cause he sees you when you're sleeping...be good for goodness sake! That's why the movie "Santa's Slay" (<--starring the wrestler Goldberg, movie picture at left) touches me on a level that few other horror movies can--it just plain makes sense--or as much sense as any OTHER flick in the genre could. Ridiculous? What are some of your favorite B-movies?


Josh said that he had a dream where elves came into his room here at DHMC and mopped his floor. He gets moved to the Boston area either tomorrow or the following day so he had better be ready for phase 2 of his recovery adventure! As it were I think his rehab center is right nearby the bus station that I arrive at when visiting my Sarah so surely I could stop in to see him every once in a while!

In the world of Sarah news, we were able to finally view "Nothing to Lose" on a sweet hotel TV/DVD/VHS player combo. Turns out I had already seen most of the movie on TBS or one of those stations that only show crap these days.

Planning on buying a DVR this week so I can finally burn DVD's of my TV shows and stuff--too often have I missed my chances to forever snag my favorite episodes on the Chiller Channel, and I still have no clue how "Witchboard" ends...

"Silence and Valor"
-B

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Dante's Illiteracy


Knowing that my audience is of the kind that would probably not know of this turn of events, I should start by relating to you the big news...Remember that boring old poem by Dante? Well Electronic Arts is publishing a videogame based ever so loosely on the epic tale of Dante and Virgil's journey through Hell. How loosely? Well lets just admit that a game where you traipse around hell making pointed political comments would sell exactly zero copies. The premise of the game is that your lover has been taken by Satan and you, as "Dante" steal Death's scythe and fight your way through hell to save her. The game has nine formal levels--each based on a "circle of hell" from the poem--and the climax takes place in the battle against Lucifer himself in the frozen wasteland of the ninth circle. The parts of Brutus, Cassius, and Judas Iscariot were obviously cut from the game and will not be appearing in Satan's mouths.

That part is fine, that part makes sense--and hey, yeah it's a pretty loose take on a classic but if that's what gets the kids excited about literacy then sure! Turns out that they are releasing a novelization of the game based on the poem to be released with it...That's like third order creative rights, this thing is getting a little out of hand just like a perverse game of "Whisper Down the Alley". Reminds me of the episode of "Cheers" where Frasier is trying to get the people at the bar more cultured by reading them "War and Peace" while throwing in interesting portions like motorcycle chases and helicopter battles.

Whatever gets the kids to read though right?

I guess tsathoggua, member of kotaku.com, gets the idea right, saying that as long as they don't alter the poem to make it fit their twisted rendition of it, it's fine:

"I wounded struggled my footing to find,
Struck in the back by an infidel's blade,
And 'twixt the shadows spoke Death thus to me:

"Thy time hath come, poet-turned-Crusader."
Such an injustice I could not endure,
For live on I must in flesh and not shade.

To that baleful Shade I then spoke these words:
"Bitch, down you shall go to that hellish place,
For not yet will I taste your shadowed blade."

And in fight quite fierce and quite Greek-inspired,
Death himself did fall to my mortal sword.
And his scythe I took, 'cause it was bitchin'.
"

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I found a website today where you can play the original frogger game for free online. I made it to level 4, but then died instantly each life on the second row of cars--that part is impossible! If any of you beat me there--even if you just make it to the pond and die let me know!

"Silence and Valor"
-B

Friday, January 15, 2010

Froggin it Up!

I never read the paper--FACT. There is just never anything worthwhile in that mess...This makes what I am about to tell you pretty noteworthy. As I was leaving the "gym" today (or at least that makeshift mess at Bodytech :P), an article in the Rutland Tribune caught my eye...yes, of all papers I could have started reading I chose the one with the least worthwhile news coverage (okay, to be more blunt, the Rutland Herald is to the Rutland Tribune as Steak is to Bologna, and the same could be said of USA Today and the Rutland Herald. The Tribune is for old hippies--FACT). There was an article for a Rutland Teen being in a car accident...my first thought was Josh but apparently ANOTHER kid crashed his vehicle this time and was injured. Guess what he was driving? A 2006 Chevrolet Cobalt. Sensing a trend here? This clearly points to the Chevy Cobalt being cursed by either a Gypsy Sorceress or Tribal Witchdoctor. You have been warned.

My dad found the luxury of watching movies online...given an infinite well of movies he first chose Mothra, AstroZombies, and Jason and the Argonauts...needless to say I was not surprised...also not impressed. Then we found ourselves trying to remember the title of that movie where the African tribe captures the man, strips him, sets him free in the wild, then hunts him down. By googling the string: movie where man is stripped and hunted by Africans, the proper title was found. This is one of the best movies ever, so take heed!

I guess this part is mostly for Josh, but here's a video of one of my favorite games--the remake of "Frogger"! Josh and I used to play for hours on the computer--even in 2-player by sharing the keyboard! LOADS of fun! The theme for "Scorching Switches" (the first machine level song) is constantly playing in my head even to this day! My favorite zone is definitely the Cloud Zone with Loony Balloneys, but remember the bat zone where you have to eat lightning bugs to keep the screen from being dark? I'm sure Josh will if he watches the videos on youtube!

"Silence and Valor"
-B

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Some People Are Just Crazy...


They say that a girl can tell if she's going to ever have sex with a guy within the first ten minutes of meeting him. I personally think thats a load of bull, but maybe we can learn a more general lesson from this. Can you actually find out certain intricate things about a person from just seeing them? A million times, yes! Prime example: Today I was driving home from dropping the youngsters off at school when I saw the most ridiculous sight. So there on Route 4-A was a whiskey-tango S.O.B., but not a normal one, a super-crazy one, more than usual. He was wearing shorts and a trench coat peddling his bicycle with training wheels...in the large pockets of his trench coat he had kittens. I think I found the craziest man in the world.

Astrobiology is mainly a field for crazy people--and, going by the "Ben Scaralia rule of Generalization" sampled above, you can basically take your pick of scientists in the field and call them a crackpot with basically perfect accuracy. This is because most people who JOIN the field in the first place do so in order to contact the aliens. These are the kinds of people who think that SETI is a worthwhile project (that one where the radio signals are sent out to contact the smart aliens). These are the kind of people who are expecting Contact.

Tangent time--I personally think Contact was one of the worst movies I have ever seen...I mean come on, the first facility is destroyed by terrorists and they just happened to be making a secret identical facility at the same time? That is THE cheapest plot device I have ever seen, and I've seen Signs...that's saying something...and then as our big climax, the experiment is all just a dream? Fuck you Robert Zemeckis!

Back on topic, I met an Astrobiologist of the typical kind this summer. Her favorite movie was Contact, she was into intelligent Extraterrestrial life, and thought SETI was one of the best ideas ever. Astrobiologists like this give a bad image to the more respectable portions of the science--the search for biotic and prebiotic compounds and possible habitable extrasolar planets. Astrobiology should be called Cosmobiology and is formally the study of the origins and evolution of life here on Earth AND elsewhere in the universe.

The reason I was thinking about this is cause her idol was Carl Sagan...and I saw this funny comic today...yes its an xkcd...but trust me, there ARE about 3-4 funny ones amidst his sad collection of computation jokes.

Done for now--take care!

"Silence and Valor"
-B

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

White People Like Booty

Today I started reading my science fiction compilation book. I finished the first of the nineteen stories that make it up--a 10 page short called "Anomalies" by Gregory Benford. By all means it wasn't a bad story, but it left something to be desired. It was the kind of story that you read and forget--one that tells a story to the outermost layers of your consciousness, requiring little reflection and lacking in any real substance that would make an audience applaud. I got to thinking--and I decided that if this guy can be published then why not me? Surely this can't be the craziest idea in the world!

Tonight is my night to cook for the youngsters (Mara and Leah). Leah is in the other room wearing her scarf...indoors...which only reminds me of Stuff White People Like (one of my favorite websites), which includes "wearing scarves (at inappropriate times)". This is odd because while most of the entries on the site are right on target, its only Mara who is typical from my family. Back on topic: I'm cooking tortellini alfredo.

Continuing down their path of treachery and lies, women have started donning the Booty Pop...first padded bras and now padded panties...FINALLY! I guess I was pretty fed up with normal sized butts and its about time that this was made. There's really no reason for any girl not to own one of these and its hard to believe that our society has limped on for so long without it. /sarcasm

Not much else to say today--have a good one!

"Silence and Valor"
-B

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

SPECIAL: Review-- Sonic Unleashed

“It's Sonic the Freakhog!”

When an old friend drops in to say hi, it is not uncommon to hear things like “Oh you haven’t changed a bit” or “you’re just as I remember you”. In most cases this is meant to be a compliment—and is generally taken as such. An old friend of the Sonic titles would have to say this with fingers crossed as the jump to the third dimension was less kind on the Blue hedgehog. Sure there were some close misses—Sonic Adventure 2 was nearly perfect, but since then there’s been one after another mediocre title to ruin the trend.

Sonic Unleashed marks the beginning of the franchise’s return to glory while simultaneously condemning it to mediocrity. The game opens with Sonic being inexplicably turned into a “werehog” that turns part wolf at nighttime to wreck havoc with its huge claws and stretchy, rubbery arms.

The daytime stages are the traditional fast dashes through linear settings complete with loops and spirals—and are exactly what a 3D Sonic game SHOULD play like—the controls are smooth and the addition of “quickstep” buttons which allow Sonic to make a quick sidestep left or right, something that really brings the whole ordeal together—and makes the 3D gameplay just seem right.



Now, since this is a Sonic title it is expected that players will spend countless hours frustrated to the point of tears trying to successfully beat a single level—which normally boils down to a single nearly impossible jump or series of jumps—Sonic Unleashed is no exception here. But as it turns out most of these ultra-frustrating portions are in the optional “extra” levels not required to beat the game. Only the players with great patience (or time like me) should play the game to 100% completion.

I have heard complaints about the games “linearity” and the fact that portions of the game are performed without real input, but I would like to strike comments like these down right off the bat by pointing out that the primary objective of the sonic titles has always been “proceed to the right”.

The boss battles are well-choreographed. The only way to quite get how fun they are would be to play the game. Here is my favorite, played through by “Overhazard”.

Now, sure the daytime levels are both fun and well-designed, but eventually the sun falls and the gameplay changes completely. As Sonic the Werehog, players use strength, slick jumping, and grabbing abilities to fight scores of darkling baddies, negotiate skinny tightropes, and meander through jumping puzzles. These levels are repetitive and vastly similar and all follow the same formula—a series of big brawls with enemies which find players mashing the same buttons to attack, a smaller “move the blocks” puzzle, and a big jumping puzzle which can range from pretty easy to nearly impossible.

However, to be completely honest I didn’t hate these portions of the game—they brought a fun twist to the title, and were just the cure for the jitters I got from the adrenaline after the speedy daytime levels.

Accessing these stages requires traversing a sprawling Hub world split into different “countries” each with its own style and characters. I honestly didn’t hate this part either. Barring the large amount of loading screens necessary in traveling from one country to another, I never felt that this took away from the gaming experience.

After beating the first Act of a stage, challenge trials open up where players compete in that same Act with extra objectives or stipulations that make it more difficult. These tend to get repetitive, but with some tweaking it could have been a viable feature.

All of these, the werehog levels, the hub world, the frustrating extra levels, the challenge trials are all individually fine, but when added together, create something much greater than their sum. The result is a general feeling of dissatisfaction and frustration. Players will recognize that they are enjoying the game, but these ill feelings will also persist—and only the quickest will realize that while individually these things are fine, when put together, they tend to ruin the experience. If only one or two of these were changed (or simplified or removed) the game would be absolutely amazing.

As a final conclusion, Sonic Unleashed is a wonderful title at times. The daytime stages play exactly as a 3D Sonic game should. The Nighttime stages, while enjoyable, are repetitive and frustrating at times. The only thing keeping this game from an excellent rating would be the amount of annoying repetitions you will have to make to play the title to its fullest. Namely, if Sega had just changed one or two things like fixing up the challenge section and giving more variety to the werehog portions this would be a perfect 10.


VERDICT: I gave this game 7/10. This is an amazing game that is plagued by repetition and a lack of variety in the werehog portions. I recommend it to anyone who thinks that Sonic can’t get along in three dimensions…just don’t expect it to be getting any game of the year awards.



Sonic’s transformation…way comical…

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Breaking Habits

Today is the day I tore down the walls—the day I broke free of my chains to see all that has been passing me by throughout the years. I've done my best to manicure out of my consciousness the lion's share of superstitions, some of which literally concern lions.

I no longer believe that walking to the toilet in the correct number of steps is a crucial facet of existence—nor also that being in the same room as the flushing toilet released the monsters from the darkness void of darkness (don’t even pretend that you weren’t scared of this as a kid!).

I was never really able to defeat the notion that we are, all of us, attached to an overarching mystical machine which choreographs our lives according to a set of inscrutable laws which define a heretofore undiscovered school of psychic physics.

Today I received my communion at church in the hand rather than directly on the tongue—something about flu season and the wrath of the pig virus. Of course I felt dirty for no less than an hour, but the universe was not put asunder, and that vengeful mystical machine that connects all living things to my quirky habits did not act. This was a relief.

So, I'm getting better. In general. But there's really no way else to express it: I believe in ghosts.

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In the olden days we would rub Josh's head for good luck...unfortunately it looks like since his is broken currently, the Patriots will be losing their first playoff game--and against the Ravens no less. Basically, what I'm saying, Josh, is that its all your fault.

For your viewing pleasure: Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?

"Silence and Valor"
-B

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Searching for the "Hoth-Childs"

My hypercold spread to my eyes two days ago giving symptoms much like pink eye. However it was clearly NOT this disease since as I remember I haven’t had anyone fart in my face recently. Its getting better, trust me, but I’m around the Josh for the weekend so I’m restricted to wearing a SARS mask, a nice, hot, sweaty SARS mask…never thought my face could feel so much like a sweaty butt.

We were moved to the “Pig Room” here at the Ronald McDonald House. The wall paper is plaid with pigs painted sporadically amongst it. The bedspreads are pig themed, but luckily my cot has a sweet Power Rangers blanket so not all is bad in the world!

Last night I had a dream of the most bewildering sort. I was meeting up with a high school acquaintance (with whom I haven’t even talked in the past three years) to do a project for school (yeah, clueless here too), but all she would talk about was her recent trip to the beach. She just kept going on and on about how, while she was there, she befriended a family of strange happy, frolicking creatures she called “Hoth-Childs” (“Hoth-Children”?). My family went to the beach in search of the Hoth-Childs but failed to see a single one, setting ourselves instead on the task of enjoying ourselves in the waves. Josh showed up talking, walking around and generally in good spirits. This bewildered us all and we reminded him that he was in the hospital and he said, “Oh yeah that’s right” and collapsed. I guess the moral of this story is that whether you thing you can or can’t do something, you’re right…and also to never trust that Erica Hodulik character, who can apparently weave a crazy tall tale about beach creatures.

Josh will be doing rehab at, of all places, a rehab center! We don’t know where yet, but that’s just as well because he needs more healing for now. What we do know is that it will be at a hospital and that he will be there doing work on strengthening his mind again—therefore by definition it’s a mental hospital, right? Mara decided that he will make some new psychotic friends while he’s there, probably named “Bludge (the leader)”, “Jib-Jib (who goes by his nickname “Psycho”)”, “Peggy (their token girl)” and “Tomali (their token black friend)” and they’ll all be trying to hatch plans to escape together. Since this is an action movie some will have to die—who do you think?

A long time ago, I figured out what would happen if my family was caught in a swamp with a bunch of zombies or an alien invasion or axe-wielding fiend. According to the movies, I would die first because I’m the stupid fun-loving frat boy who doesn’t believe that something’s gone wrong. Next, the salty war veteran/survival guy always dies by being overwhelmed or by a zombie busting through the floorboards, causing the group to split apart. That’s why my dad would die second. Since the group is broken up now, some lone character keeps on running and running off by herself and almost makes it out but then gets mauled…that’s when Mara gets eaten. Leah is the smarty pants of the family, so she will then “figure it out”—the puzzle that is—how to escape alive…then either just before or just after she tells everyone she will be eaten. That leaves a boy and a girl—who are always the lone survivors of a zombie invasion. Josh and Mom, since they are completely average without any notable characteristics will be the lone survivors of this thought experiment.

In a marginally related vein, elow are two awesome De-inspirational posters of Zombies:



I got to see my Sarah today! After eating at a sweet brewery (some say "Oh its just Pub food" but I could live on Pub food, its my favorite kind!) we went shopping at Borders where I found out that my girlfriend wants everything in the world but doesn't allow me to get her anything when we're out (barring adorable sheeps named Baa-bara in Lake George)...we'll see how long THAT lasts (hahaha, zing)!

Current Ben-Projects include but are not limited to: a full review of the game “Sonic Unleashed”, a list of the top 10 hardest videogame “bosses” I’ve beaten (huge gamer, I know, lame!), several Sarah’s birthday projects (I know you're reading this--and you're just going to have to deal with me doting on you!), and a birthday present for JoshyWashy’s Birthday (cause he deserves something really sweet right fellas?). My FAVORITE boss battle isactually an easy question--it isn’t even a battle actually—it’s the Race against Metal Sonic in Round 6 of “Sonic CD”.

Tired now--more to come tomorrow!

"Silence and Valor"
-B

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Ben vs. The EGGmobile

As I am writing this beast up, Leah is in the other room watching this sweet gameshow on Nickelodeon called Brain Surge. It hearkens back to the glory days of Nick back in the 90's. Game shows were extra kooky, people would be slimed for no reason and the first prize was always moon shoes. This one actually reminds me of the same--for all the above reasons (although the first prize here is a sweet high-tech scooter...almost as cool as the moon shoes).

Everyone has these certain perceptions of themselves. Imaginations, I guess you would call them...fantasies. My metaphysics teacher--Dr. Jim Fahey talks about being a conscious person as being an actor in a play. Self-Consciousness on the other hand is like being an actor in a play but being able to envision yourself on stage as an observer in the audience. It requires being aware of oneself. This is the gift of self-consciousness--the ability to have an idea of yourself--if even far-fetched! These self-perceptions make people seem a lot cooler in their minds than they really are. I guess the kids with the best imaginations evolve into these people...And everyone--myself included--has this cool not-quite alter ego, but this idea of who they wish they were. Personally I always kind of wanted to be the huge, tough guy, which, for someone short like me only serves to make me more of a grumpy-looking leprechaun!

When I travel I like to play games with myself (not dirty ones you perverts) wherein I make up a character to pretend I am for the day. For example, at airports, bus trips, etc. where I may or may not end up talking to complete strangers I make up new situations and stuff and act my way through them. Yes I may be crazy, but don't even pretend that this doesn't sound like fun.

Today I remembered my only car accident--not even an accident, a fender bender. The other vehicle was a family friend who had pulled into our driveway and parked behind my mom's suburban. The lady was driving a suburban of her own--I call it the EGGmobile because the first three characters of the license plate are EGG. I don't know how I managed to back up into it--its a freaking suburban just sitting there in the driveway. It MUST have had some super top secret experimental active camouflage.

The word from DHMC is that Josh has been outfitted with a sweet helmet to protect him for when he starts walking around (this is on the DL though, shhhh! ;) ). Hopefully its awesome and powerrangers-ey, or perhaps made of steel so he could be a superhero that headbutts criminals who he fights at nights while the hospital staff is out. THAT will be my next comic methinks!

Workouts have been gettign increasingly more difficult due to my sickness. I'm doing a rest-pause routine wherein I do maybe 3 sets with a weight that I can do around 10 reps with--I do as many as I an until I fail, wait 20 seconds, do as many as I can again (maybe 5) and then 20 more seconds, and do it again for about 2. That is one set. The first phase of the set I can do okay but then I get way fatigued due to the hypercold Sarah gave me (jerk!) and I start doing poor for phases two and three.



At the very beginning of 2012 there is a scene with a solar neutrino experiment where the solution boils. Explanation: the sun ejects large amounts of particles called neutrinos each second due to fusion reactions. These neutrinos are so small and fast moving that their path length (the average length that they travel before interacting with something) is dependent on how dense the material they travel through is (for obvious reasons). If these neutrinos were traveling through a medium as dense as the sun's core, their path length would be 3 light years or 3.1038479*10^(14) football fields. In order to detect these neutrinos in earth, a vat of chlorine solution is held deep within the earth free from outside influences. Whenever a neutrino reacts with the solution, a chlorine atom transforms into a radioactive isotope of Argon so measuring the amount of Argon present in the solution after time tells you the change in the rate of neutrino reactions. However, due to the huge path length of the neutrinos, the experiment will result in only one or two reactions per month under normal conditions. In 2012, the neutrino detection chamber's chlorine solution is seen to be boiling. The actors explain that this is because there are so many neutrinos being emitted that the solution is reacting violently. I want everyone to know how ridiculous this is--only if the entire mass of the sun were made into neutrinos instantly and shot into that detector would something like that occur. Furthermore, if that many neutrinos were being emitted and reacting, wouldn't these cosmic rays have already fried all life on the planet? I'm pretty sure that the cosmic rays that that feigned experiment call for would have already burned Earth to a crisp. That's not the only scientific problem I had with the movie too...

Trust me, if you know any science, the movie will not be enjoyable.

I found this cool though--here's a video of a guy from IGN picking on Final Fantasy. I've been trying to say this for years!

Stay sunny dudes! And pardon me for the sciencey tangent.

"Silence and Valor"
-B

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Monkey King

A long time ago I saw a movie called The Lost Empire (billed as “The Monkey King” on the Sci-Fi channel). Haven’t heard of it? It is only the best (read silliest) movie ever! Its about this white guy going back in time to fight demons with his pigman friend, his cannibal friend, and his monkeyman friend (the monkey king). That’s not even the crazy part, the demons are being led by Confucius who hates mortal people and is flying around killing people. Flying. On his own. Trust me it’s the kind of movie you lament wasn’t featured on MST3K. The reason I bring this up is because I caught the tail end of it today on the chiller channel.

Today was the first day of playing stay at home dad here in Vermont and actually I kind of liked it! Between chores I found myself napping and playing videogames...rather videogame. The new Sonic the Hedgehog game is called Sonic Unleashed and while IGN game it a 4.0, I think its actually a pretty fun game! Sure repetitive and annoying at times but I think it was pretty dang good. Review to come--maybe this week I'll write it up...although its been a while since I've done one.

I made that comic of crazy psychokiller Sarah today (remember, not REALLY a serial killer, she just comes across as one)!



I promise a better post tomorrow! For now, stay sunny dudes!

"Silence and Valor"
-B

Monday, January 4, 2010

How to Build a Stegosaurus

Mara and I went on an adventure to try to find batteries for my camera here at DHMC. The first one had shelves of structurally incorrect Stegosaurus toy



(Stego’s plates should not be one next to the other as in this picture, but staggered), jacks-in-boxes (which Mara and I decided are the worst toy ever since their purpose is to frighten children) and a shopkeeper (who was missing a few of his marbles as Mara said) who told us that our best bet for batteries was the Pharmacy. He gave us directions that included turning right at the end of a dead end—something Mara pointed out as something that would send us crashing into a wall. We decided it was like Harry Potter and you just had to believe and charge as fast as you can toward the wall without hesitating in order for the magic to happen. Batteries recovered, Josh pics to follow as soon as I find my camera cord!

While watching “Arnold’s Pizzashop” yesterday I remembered another funny Ahnuld sketch, this time by the folks down at MAD TV.

Seeing Josh lie there semi-conscious and only slightly reacting to things reminds me of the time we stayed up late watching The Edge. I fell asleep during it and we both went upstairs afterward to bed (when we still had bunkbeds), it was an awesome movie and I asked Josh if he had seen the ending and what had happened. He said he did and that nothing happened, I kept asking and he just kept repeating “nothing”…the next day I realized he was still mostly asleep while I was talking to him. However, it is exciting for everyone around that Josh has started talking...well, mumbling...he always did have a problem with the word "Bill" or "Hill" (hopefully you get a kick out of this some day Josh!) so maybe his speech will actually improve from this accident! We miss you Josh!

My Sarah visited us last night at the hospital and after our shopping extravaganza my sister Leah gave us a quiz involving giraffes, elephants, and crocodiles. It was more than a little disturbing that each of Sarah's answers involved some form of animal mutilation--more proof that my girlfriend is a psychopath, which actually gives me an excellent idea for a comic which I will make next time I am not fighting off the soft caresses of Nyquil lulling me to sleep at my keyboard.

So Hopefully I don't fall asleep finishing this up for now but as always, stay sunny!

"Silence and Valor"
-B

Sunday, January 3, 2010

The ZombieJosh Show

This morning I woke up on the other-other side of the bed, that third side that you wake up on when you're feeling a little bit gross. I was recently given a present by my Sarah in the form of the cold virus (I guess as revenge for getting her sick last November!) and it began manifesting itself today. The general feeling of sickliness coupled with the fact that today marks the third day of wearing the same outfit (due to the fact that we're all staying with my brother at the hospital) has has a synergistic effect on my health and yes, as a result I am now a mouthbreather...

So as I was sitting in church today this family of women (2 daughters maybe 15 and 17 (we'll call them Sally and Molly), and a mother) came in and, realizing that there were no remaining seats, decided to sit next to me. Normally I wouldn't really care about this, but apparently I have the mannerisms of a sex offender because after a few minutes the mom asked Molly if she wanted to change seats with her. Molly decided not to but she was noticeably uncomfortable and defensive. This actually reminded me of another time down in Troy New York at RPI. My friend Ahren and I used to always crash the Zeta Psi parties freshman year before they realized we each ended up pledging at different fraternities and stopped letting us in. The first time I was there (one of the only times the police WEREN'T invited to break it up while we frosh were hidden in the basement) I was getting my drink when a lady comes up to the same cooler (yes cooler, its a pretty ghetto frat) for her own. Of course I noticed her there and she saw me looking at her and she says right off the bat, "Listen, I have a boyfriend so I'm not sleeping with you" to which I remarked, "Don't flatter yourself, you're nothing special". Of course her boyfriend was right there...and about 7 feet tall (Zetes is the basketball frat at RPI). I think the comic below accurately describes what happened next...



And yes that's the Arnold head from "Arnold's Pizzashop".

My family always talks about Josh sitting up randomly and tearing off his IV's and such--but I have actually never witnessed these phenomena until today as I passed by his bed on the way to the restroom. He arose with almost a zombielike stiffness. Instinctively I started beating him down (kidding!), but it was my mom who reacted without thinking and calmed him down by pushing him back onto his bed...Clearly she's done this before, she MUST be the zombieslayer of the year!



I've had the same song stuck in my head--check out "Ain't No Rest For the Wicked" performed by Cage the Elephant.

And that about wraps it up for now! Till next time, stay sunny!

"Silence and Valor"
-B

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Boredom at the Ronald McDonald House

As this is my first post its hard to decide what to write about. I can either say everything (taking nearly forever to relate) or nothing (and send my page down the pathway of most every other source on the internet--the inevitable march toward nothingness (that which geocities took fairly recently--rest in peace)). First impressions are everything, even online.

I found it absolutely hilarious that fairly recently a drug-trafficker who had fled to Canada to avoid the police was found through his World of Warcraft account (story here ). I really hope the police confronted him online with their own respective accounts and that the ensuing chase across the Warcraft environment was as epic as it is in my mind...



My brother Josh (who recently decided to test his strength against that of the Chevy Cobalt--which won...barely) is doing a little better today--less swelling, more activity and whatnot. The doctor said something about him losing his inhibitions due to the area of his brain that was affected...to the frat boy that is myself this means he'll be a riot at parties. I expect him to be tough enough to make it to college in the fall, he's really stubborn about his school--hopefully "Bionic Josh" is just as tough (please refrain from "we're praying for you, you can pull through this" remarks, they get annoying after the first million!).

As a result I'm staying here at the Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center (DHMC) for an undetermined amount of time at "David's House" which is a DHMC facility that can only be described as a Ronald McDonald House for creepy old people. Each room has a theme and ours is the "Space" theme which means there are creepy aliens and UFOs on the wallpaper...I'm just glad I never have to experience the "clown" room...

Pics to follow as soon as I get batteries for my camera...and my USB cable! For now, stay sunny!

"Silence and Valor"
-B